Why is Tamraya Fasting?


Why am I fasting? Simply, I am on a spiritual journey. As cliche as that sounds, I cannot think of a better phrase to explain this moment in my life. It all began a few years back when I took time off from naturopathic medical school for the promise of an adventure in a foreign land. Well--not exactly a foreign land, but rather the country in which my parents were raised; and coincidently, my new husband. It was only supposed to be a six month expedition. However, the six months turned into almost two years, a new found appreciation for the simple things in life, and a new baby.
I spent the first year in almost a state of stupor. I found myself with a lot of time on my hands, pregnant, and alone most days due to my husband's business travels. I can truly say I was sick of my own company. Honestly, How much time does one really need to spend in a state of personal discovery? For me, one year was definitely too much. By the end of the year I was extremely aware of my flaws and idiosyncrases (I was just hoping my husband was not as aware). I could truly say it was one of the hardest years of my life. I could also say, although not knowing this at the time, it was the beginning of my spiritual journey.
Today, two years later, I feel that I am ready to embark on a new phase in my journey. After extensive research (which I will gladly share in the days to come) about the health benefits of fasting, and after compiling many ahadith (narrations of the prophet Muhammad (PBUH)) about the desired days of fasting; I came to the conclusion that to expedite my spiritual discovery I must fast. Fasting for Muslims, is abstaining from food, drink, and other indulgences from dawn to dusk. In doing so, one is detached from his basic desires, and his heart is more pure and ready for enlightenment. I am not pushing my luck and setting my sight on enlightenment. I just want to be a better person, a better citizen, a better wife, a better mother, and simply, a person who can enjoy her own company.

Days of Fasting

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Contemplation



   My mind is so crisp. My thoughts so vivid. I can clearly feel serenity in the distance. It feels like the quiet after a warm rainstorm. I cannot feel more at peace. I reflect on the day's events as I watch the sun disappear languidly below the horizon. How I wish to be entangled in the bright oranges and pinks in the sky. As if I were looking at an orange and raspberry sorbet just waiting to dip my spoon. My hunger pangs are momentarily forgotten and replaced by gratitude and humility. “Oh Allah, thank you for the gift of sight, oh Allah, thank you for the gift of insight in which I am able to appreciate your bounties”, I quietly say under my breath.

   I reach for a moist date and slowly bring it to my mouth, I can already smell the sweetness and I anticipate the flavor. Yes, so sweet. I feel a rush as the sugar from the date permeates my blood. I can almost feel the heat as my body starts to adjust to being fed after a long abstinence from food. How can something so simple give so much joy? We are truly blessed, yet we are so greedy. This avarice stems from the yearning to find acceptance. We think, “If only I had … I would be happy, I would be acknowledged by others”. At this moment, I feel no greed, I feel no desire for worldly things, I just feel Allah’s grace. Oh, how I wish time would stop. Will you not just stand still? Please… And just as quickly as the feeling came, it went, I was once again reminded of my humanness. The growling of my empty stomach brought me out of my deep thought, and I knew I was limited by my desires. And I was saddened by that thought that maybe I will never be able to reach this peak of contemplation again.
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1 comment:

  1. N.A.SJanuary 5, 2010 at 1:19 PM

    MashAllah, everything you write makes me contemplate on the bounties of Allah. May Allah reward you for your heart reaching writing skills that make me a better muslimah.

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