FROM DAWN TO DUSK: Wake Up

Why is Tamraya Fasting?

Why am I fasting? Simply, I am on a spiritual journey. As cliche as that sounds, I cannot think of a better phrase to explain this moment in my life. It all began a few years back when I took time off from naturopathic medical school for the promise of an adventure in a foreign land. Well--not exactly a foreign land, but rather the country in which my parents were raised; and coincidently, my new husband. It was only supposed to be a six month expedition. However, the six months turned into almost two years, a new found appreciation for the simple things in life, and a new baby.
I spent the first year in almost a state of stupor. I found myself with a lot of time on my hands, pregnant, and alone most days due to my husband's business travels. I can truly say I was sick of my own company. Honestly, How much time does one really need to spend in a state of personal discovery? For me, one year was definitely too much. By the end of the year I was extremely aware of my flaws and idiosyncrases (I was just hoping my husband was not as aware). I could truly say it was one of the hardest years of my life. I could also say, although not knowing this at the time, it was the beginning of my spiritual journey.
Today, two years later, I feel that I am ready to embark on a new phase in my journey. After extensive research (which I will gladly share in the days to come) about the health benefits of fasting, and after compiling many ahadith (narrations of the prophet Muhammad (PBUH)) about the desired days of fasting; I came to the conclusion that to expedite my spiritual discovery I must fast. Fasting for Muslims, is abstaining from food, drink, and other indulgences from dawn to dusk. In doing so, one is detached from his basic desires, and his heart is more pure and ready for enlightenment. I am not pushing my luck and setting my sight on enlightenment. I just want to be a better person, a better citizen, a better wife, a better mother, and simply, a person who can enjoy her own company.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Wake Up

Yes. And Yes. That will be my answer if you ask me if I am hungry or thirsty. I am supposed to be hungry, I am fasting. But please don’t let that throw you off. And please try to look beyond that. I do. I am trying to test my limits and sometimes one has to do something drastic to wake up one’s heart.

A few years ago I was getting ready to start my first year of medical school and was desperately trying to wedding plan (yes, that is a verb) all while trying to maintain a meaningful long distance relationship with my then fiancé. I would wake up in the morning thinking of what books I needed to buy for the new school year, and what kind of invitations I wanted. I realized very quickly that I did not have time for my spirit. As hard as that was to admit, it was the truth. I was so enveloped in my worldly activities I had put my religious activities on the back burner. I was consumed with the idea of the perfect flower arrangements, the most elegant bridal gown, and the tastiest lobster bisque (I didn’t even know what lobster bisque was but I was convinced that I had to have it at my wedding).

I spent hours preoccupied with these thoughts, yet when it was time to complete my five daily prayers I would be praying as if my prayer rug was on fire. This pattern continued for a while until one day I was performing my Isha prayer and suddenly I felt a sense of panic. I could not breathe. It was as if someone had taken my lungs and decided to use them as stress balls. I realized I was having a panic attack.

After many weeks of coping with these new attacks I realized that Allah (swt) was trying to wake up my heart. My heart had to beat hard within so I could remember that it was there. It was neglected and it was in need of my care. Those few weeks of panic attacks made me realize that I had forgotten my values and my priorities. It was time for a change. I reluctantly gave up on my dream of a three-flavor four-tier wedding cake, and I began to focus on my relationship, my school, and my heart. I knew I had to do something drastic to wake up my heart. I had to go cold turkey and I did not look back. When I finally did have my wedding, it was beautiful. It was beautiful in the fact that I was marrying a great person, my entire family was present, and there was a sense of tranquility that only Allah (swt) could provide. I realized those were the only ingredients that I truly needed for a perfect wedding. After all, lobster bisque isn’t that good anyway--right?

Image Courtesy of: http://www.finessefotos.com/images/wedding_cake.jpg